Since reading James’ blog on Worry, I have wanted to write one of my own from a Mom’s perspective. Those of you who are moms please feel free to comment and/or add to this blog at any time.
According to the Encarta Dictionary installed in my Microsoft Word program, worry is defined in these ways: “1) to feel anxious about something unpleasant that may have happened or may happen, or make somebody do this, 2) to annoy somebody by making insistent demands or complaints, … 6) To touch, move, or interfere with something repeatedly.” I skipped 3-5 because they do not relate to my topic.
I have never been much of a worrier. I have always “rolled with the punches,” taken things with a “grain of salt,” and all those other ‘seize the day’ clichés. I read in my Bible a long time ago that God does not want us to worry – that worry is really a sin because it ultimately means that we do not rely on God to take care of us. When trouble would come up in my life, I was always able to “turn it over to God,” so to speak. That is, until that fateful day in August 2007 when I found out I was finally pregnant! James and I had wanted children for over 12 years and had been unable to have any of our own (a story for another time), until now. I had been “pregnant” twice before, with “false pregnancies” and after about a week my body would go back to normal – no pregnancy. So on that day in late August 2007, when the doctor told me I was pregnant, I kind of held my breath and said a little prayer of thanksgiving, followed by, “Lord, is this the real thing this time? Can I really be pregnant with a baby? Will I go full term? Will he/she be healthy?” and many other concerns that rolled through my mind in that instant. I couldn’t even allow myself to begin to get excited about the pregnancy until after we got past that first week…then the first month…then the first trimester. I worried constantly even though I was also praying constantly. My worry wasn’t really because I didn’t trust God to take care of me and the baby. My worry was about me doing something stupid and hurting one of us (another story for a later date).
My worry didn’t stop once he was born either. As I went into labor I worried about whether he was okay – was the umbilical cord out of the way, was he turned the right way, etc., even though I was having a C-section (I actually went into labor the day I was pre-scheduled for a C-section). Then I worried about the epidural, then the surgery itself, but then I heard the beautiful cries of a new born baby! The doctor held him up so I could see him over the sheet hanging in front of me and I got my first glimpse (literally) of my baby boy. No time to count toes or fingers or anything like that, before they whisked him off to get cleaned up. I had told James prior to the surgery that as soon as Wesley was born, I wanted him to be with Wesley at all times and leave me to the doctors’ care. So as I’m lying there, waiting for them to stitch me up, with tears of joy rolling into my ears, I allowed myself a break from worry. I could hear Wesley screaming so I knew his lungs were good; we had monitored his heart every week at the end of the pregnancy, so I knew his heart was strong. And I knew James was there with him. I relaxed…for a moment.
A couple of hours after recovery, they brought Wesley back to me. He was all clean and wrapped in a blanket with a little hat on to keep his head warm. Oh the blissful joy of a newborn! Then the nurse tells me that we are going to see if the baby will nurse. Okay! Time to worry again!
Wesley is now one year old and has been walking since he was 10 ½ months old. He’s into EVERYTHING! I am learning that “worry,” (applicable to all definitions) is a constant throughout my day. I am “anxious” about what might happen if he gets into that cabinet and pulls out that pot, and about him stepping over that toy and onto the next one causing him to trip and fall. I am worried by him sometimes when he wants to be held constantly throughout the day, or when he is fretful, or feels bad and I can’t do anything to make it better. I worry about whether I am a good mother because some days it seems that all I do is say “NO!” I get anxious because he is constantly “testing the waters” to see what he can get away with; touching things he knows he’s not suppose to touch, getting into cabinets and pulling out the bowls, pots, and pans, deliberately disobeying (and he does this even at a year old – I’m not exaggerating!) Then I worry that I am worrying him with all my worries!
Moms, don’t feel guilty about these worries. God made us this way, in a manner of speaking, because he gave us the “nurture” gene. We naturally want to hold and protect our children all the time. We hurt when they hurt, because we feel their pain. We are protective. The important thing to remember is that we are all GOD’S CHILDREN. As much as we love our children, God loves them even more and He will not let anything happen to them that is not in His glorious plan for their lives. They first belong to God, then to us. God has entrusted us with the daily care of our “babies” and we “worry” because we care. I’m told by my mom that even when your children are grown and moved away, you still worry about them. These worries do not mean we don’t trust God. I believe these worries are reminders to us to pray over our children for God to protect them when we can’t, and trust Him to do as we have asked. Remember John 16:23 and take it to heart as truth! Jesus tells us, “I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and He will grant your request because you use My name.” Then trust and believe that God WILL grant your request.
Moms, we can’t do it alone. God has entrusted us with these little angels, but He also wants us to trust him with our lives – even the little everyday nitpicky stuff that comes up – God is near to help. All we have to do is ask.
kim, it doesn’t change much when they are 9 and 12. michelle and natalie both think i say “NO” all the time. they do not remember all the times i said “yes”. and yes they do still “test the waters”. i try to raise them the best way i can. i know i am not a perfect mom, there is no such thing. i do my best. i know God has a plan for us.
sometimes when the girls are not here or they are asleep, i get a chance to think. i think about my grandfather, natalie was 8 months when he died. she really didn’t get to know him and that upsets me a little. but i make sure she sees pictures and i talk to her about him. michelle had just turned 4 years old. she knew him alittle. i have a picture of him holding BOTH girls. i will treasure that. of course i think about my mom EVERYDAY. that usually brings tears to my eyes. natalie was 1 1/2 and michelle was 5 when she died. i know she is “with” us even though we can not see her but my mind still wonders. cause i think about what has happened with both girls in the last 8 years……that is a long time! mom was there for natalie’s first surgery. Natalie had her 2nd “HUGE” surgery 5-6 months AFTER mom died, then Natalie’s feet and Michelle’s broken elbow and so on…….
did you know that my mom had 5 miscarriages before they adopted me? and it took them 5 years to adopt me? mom and dad told me that story soooooo many times. flying to new orleans, looking through the window…. i can never hear that story enough. i am proud of being adopted and if you ask me who my “real” parents are, i will tell tom and paula laggy!!! i was chosen, i am special! that is what i was told. i think it is the coolest thing. i am thankful to that woman for not killing me. she gave me a chance at life.
you talk about putting our worries in God’s hand. i want to tell you something. last year when i was picking up checks, i was running behind schedule and i became worried about not making it to the bank before 6pm. on my way back to the office, i said that God would get me there by 6pm. i got to the bank at 5:59pm. i knew if i put it in his hands he would get me there. i had a simular situation this past friday. my route got changed. i was running behind, so again i said God would get me there. i was going straight to the bank and i was going to get our paycheck on monday if i didn’t make. when i got to the bank and started making out the company deposit. samantha showed up. she had some how picked up our paycheck. tell me that was not God? sometimes i do have to sit back and say “i will let it be in God’s hand.” i just wish jimmy would do the same. we have not been getting along that well. this job has taken a toll on him and “us”. we argue more. i sent an email to james hoping jimmy will listen/talk to him. james said he emailed him, so we will see. thanks to both of you, i love all of you. hugs and kisses to wesley.
p.s. i (girls too) really enjoyed sunday, being there for the dedication. thank you for letting us be apart of your life. need to plan another girls night!!!!! lol
Tracy, Thank you for sharing that! I, too, think that anyone who adopts a child is a wonderful and special person. I have always wanted to adopt and maybe we will one day. I, too, thank your birthmother for allowing you to live and become one of my best friends.
We will definitely keep your family in our prayers – the girls in their everyday endeavors and Jimmy in his current struggle with who God is. You are right, God does have a plan. Trust in Him and He will provide a way for all to be safe. Sometimes we just have to “Let go and let God” work in our lives.
We love ya’ll, too and are so glad you were able to be a part of our special day!
Kimberly
i am struggling. our marriage is struggling. we are struggling. we are ALWAYS fighting and it is killing me. i have been in tears today because we were arguing again. i am tired. i tell him that the way he acts and the way he is, affects everyone around him. i feel like he ignores me. i love him and miss him and can’t wait to see him when he says he is coming home, but when he gets home the arguing starts and ruins the time we have with him. we don’t and try not to argue in front of the girls. thanks for listening(reading)!!
by the way, i found TONS of stuff for the luau and at a really good price, thanks!!!
we enjoyed spending time with ya’ll and witnessing wesley dedication. thank you for inviting us. i have it on video. i treasure it. thanks for everything.
love you guys
tracy